Loving What Is

The title of Byron Katie’s book resonated with me on so many levels. When my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s I was devastated. All of a sudden I was responsible for taking care of the one person I had leaned on all my life. She had always been my greatest supporter. Now I was responsible for Mother’s well being. Providing for her and if possible finding a way that she could still experience happiness and joy in her life. I was committed to caring for her as I grieved for the loss of the articulate expressive woman I knew.


I missed the woman she was, I missed being able to call her for advise. Throughout all the changes she kept her sense of humor and her loving spirit. She touched countless people. Strangers would stop us in the stores. Many would recount their own stories. Many just wanted to give her a hug.


I know when I was caring for Mom I was often functioning at survival mode. I did not know how to achieve more. Some days it was all I could do just to get through the day. It is during these times that you need to take extra care of yourself. It means finding a way to get the needed respite so that you can continue to care for your loved one. Finding time to sooth and restore your energy and refresh your soul isn’t just a luxury. It is critical for both your own well being and the well being of your loved one.


It is also during these vulnerable times that family dynamics usually take center stage to play out. Sometimes taking care of yourself and your loved one also means addressing the past and the unfinished business of family relationships. Families in crisis often need to work through painful family issues and memories. These memories and feelings frequently resurface during times of crisis.


We have stuffed our feelings and memories so long that we are surprised when they erupt in our face. We often are at a loss of how to resolve these issues of anger, resentment, feelings of rejection, competition and jealousy.


Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life” has some thoughtful suggestions for exploring personal issues and stories. There is never a convenient time to examine the feelings we have stuffed. If we leave these issues unresolved, family crisis’s often result in bigger rifts and greater pain for all involved.

Read Aloud Books for Memory Challenged Adults

A few years ago I read an article in Woman’s World Magazine about Lydia Burdick and the book she had just written for memory challenged adults. At the time I ordered her first book (Sunshine on My Face) my mother was not talking very much. As I read the book to her- she saw the pictures of the cows and responded: “Moo! Moo!” It was a magical moment!
According to the reviewer, Margaret Withey, from the Observer – Lydia not only wrote a book but created a new genre. I believe that is a true statement.
Other Read-Aloud Books for Memory Challenged Adults
Happy New Year to You by Lydia Burdick
Wishing on a Star by Lydia Burdick
Through the Seasons: An Activity Book for Memory Challenged Adults by Cynthia Green
A Loving Voice: A Caregiver's Book of Read-Aloud Stories for the Elderly - Edited by Carolyn Banks and Janis Rizzo


Sources & Reviews: www.healthpropress.com
New York City Alzheimer’s Association Chapter: www.alznyc.org
The Observer www.hartford.edu/NewsEvents/ObserverPast/ObserverFall05/books/sfbfa05b.html
Audio Archives – Lydia Burdick www.wsradio.com/copingwithcaregiving/january2005.htm
The Alzheimer's Store www.alzstore.com

Alzheimers: the on going journey

My mother, Elizabeth Chandler, was diagnosed with moderate-advanced alzheimers in October 1998. She passed away June 10, 2007. During most of that time she lived with me. I still miss her. In honor of her life I would like to share some snapshot experiences from our family's journey.

In looking back there are things I wish I had understood better, and successes that I wish we had celebrated more.

Last fall (2008) I attended the Montana Alzheimers Conference, one of the presenters was Jolene Brackey. I wish that I had met her years ago. She shared some very practical and down to earth strategies.

One observation that she made was to determine where in the past your loved one is living. If the chrological age of the person is 85 and they are worried or talking about their young children. In their mind they are probably about 25. Jolene's recommendation was to find and copy pictures from that time of their family. She also said to write out the names, including pet names, of the people. Write several short stories (events) about the people in the pictures. Make copies of the pictures and the stories so that anyone who visits your loved one can talk about that time and people. This helps them reconnect to their memories, and gives them real conversations.

"Families have the knowledge to build a bridge between the care provider and the person with Alzheimers. Once families understand dementia and how to apply the knowledge they hold. They can become "helpers" in the journey." - Jolene Brackey

www.enhancedmoments.com 406-883-3770

Jolene has a CD set called "Family Moments"